Dear Joy… Hope for the Hopeless

Dear Joy,

I am a, 20 something, single woman and sometimes I think maybe marriage is not worth it. I have never been married and it’s hard to meet someone on the same wave length as me. I mean, if he has it together financially and educationally, he doesn’t spiritually. Or vice versa. Then, there are the guys who don’t want to even think about marriage, because they’re keeping their options open.

I mean, I have friends that are married and some that are divorced already. Their marriages don’t seem all that great. They are constantly into it over stupid things, posting petty statuses on social media about each other. Some even know that their spouse is cheating, but refuse to confront them. Don’t get me started on the ones who have confronted their spouse but, the spouse hasn’t changed their actions.

I just don’t think dating to get married is worth the trouble if it’s just going to end up like all the marriages around me. Am I right or is there hope?


Hi Almost Hopeless,

I, indeed, know there is hope that “dating to get married is worth it.” Actually, there are current examples that are more tangible than hope. You just have to change the channel of the reality you are watching. Yes, there are many bad marriages that will absolutely discourage anyone with a brain, from desiring such a union. However, there are also many examples of good marriages, that will evoke much hope and joy at the thought of wedded bliss. Shift your gaze. Talk to people who are successfully married. Get an understanding of what having a successful marriage means. If you do not know anyone with a healthy marriage, go find a book about marriage. If you’re not a reader, find some you tube videos teaching on the concept of Godly marriages.

It’s likely, that your perspective of what makes a person a good husband, or what makes you a good wife, could use a reality check. The fact that you can’t seem to find this “ideal” man (who possesses everything) is a good indicator that your perception of what makes a man compatible needs adjusting. Trust me when I tell you, if you attempt to build a marriage on your own concepts, morals and principals…it’s doomed. A good marriage is built on Godly principals, not human understanding, desires and measurements.

As you are talking to people, reading, and viewing positive evidence, you will gain an understanding of the necessary components of a healthy marriage. This new understanding and insight will transform you and your perspective. It will also equip you with tools that will enable you to have good relationships with all people including your future husband. Purposeful dating that leads to marriage is absolutely wonderful; because God made marriage and everything God made is good (whoop whoop)!

Thanks for writing and posting your question. May God bless you with Wisdom, Knowledge and Understanding!

Joy to the World