I Don’t Like Girls

My mother is one of the most loving people I know, but she has never really trusted women. I didn’t grow up in a home where my mom had girlfriends or sorority sisters who came over regularly. I never saw my mom go shopping or take annual girl trips with her friends or even her biological sisters for that matter. This just never happened.

I can remember my mom having two girlfriends that I saw every few years, but never regularly. Even while my mom has sisters, her stance on women remained the same. She would say to me “Pooh Pooh, I don’t trust women. They are always up to no good. I just can’t trust them.” While I never agreed, I could sympathize with her. I understood that her philosophy on women was birthed out of a painful, frustrating, abusive and dysfunctional relationship with her own mother.

Negative experiences with my grandmother deeply wounded her and affected how she related not only to her sisters but also other women who came into her life. Like my mother, many of us have unfortunately had similar relationships with a pivotal female figure our lives. Many of us have had negative encounters with women on the course of our journey that has tainted our view on women. Without an intentional, conscious effort to break this cycle of thinking, we become like my mother and perpetuate a heart of hate and distrust for other women that is passed down from generation to generation.

I learned very quickly that whenever a woman said, “I don’t like women” or “I don’t trust women,” more times than not, this attitude was birthed out of pain that was caused by a woman that they loved. While I never adopted my mother’s philosophy on women, I understood it. I understand how I may have intentionally or unintentionally hurt another woman. I understood it because I too have had my own hurtful encounters with women that I respected and loved. However, I determined in my heart, that I would be a woman who would become a disruption to this type of thinking and relating to other women.

As a woman, I firmly believe that the older I become, the more important it is to have healthy relationships with women. It is important for me to be connected to women who inspire, encourage and challenge me to become a better woman. Relationships with women are so important. The right relationships and divine connections with God-ordained women will change the course of your life. While there are clearly relationships that we become aware of in the Spirit that are unhealthy, there are also relationships that are revealed in the Spirit that are so amazing! The power of being connected to a woman who knows who she is in the Spirit is a gift. These are the women who can be who they are and embrace and bless you at the same time. It doesn’t take anything away from them to love and support you. These are the relationships where envy, jealousy and hatred are not a part of the equation. And if there is ever a time where they rear their ugly heads, they are honestly addressed and dealt with swiftly. These are the relationships in our lives that I believe are sent from God. These are the divine connections that bring forth the best in you and you bring forth the best. These are the mothers, sisters and friends that have been designated to you in the Spirit. They cover, protect and keep you lifted in prayer. They celebrate with you, cry with you and lift you up when you are low. These are the women who have the ability to see you in the Spirit during moments where you are unable to see yourself. They agree with God’s promises for your life and vow to walk with you until they come to pass. These are the midwives assigned for birthing your purpose. These are the women who may have also been hurt by other women, but had the capacity to learn the lesson and move forward. They may have hurt other women but they understand the power of forgiveness and therefore are able to walk without condemnation. They realize that it is a gift to love and honor a woman in friendship. The responsibility for this type of friendship is great and is not easily found.

Who are the women in your life? It is a gift to select the people that we can choose to have in our lives. When we understand this power, we should place a high value on ourselves and the women that we have an opportunity to share and exchange seeds with. We are to also constantly look at ourselves to see how we can be a better mother, sister, friend and supporter to the women we love. It is a mutual exchange of love and support that translates into healthy relationships amongst women that continue from generation to generation.