What is marriage? I mean, if you had to define the word “marriage” how would you define it? If you had to describe it, what would you say? Would your definition or description be a combination of what you’ve heard others say? Or, would you use your own experiences and combine that with what you think it should be? Would you use a cute cliché, or quote a scripture to sound deep?
Well, after 5,315 days of being married allow me to share my definition. Marriage is what happens when a triangle and a circle become a rectangle. Marriage is the perfect blend of R&B, Jazz, Pop, Hip Hop, Rap, a little Rock & Roll, and Gospel music. In the 759 weeks that I have been married, I have learned so many lessons. You don’t just have to compromise, you must also put down your will to be right for the cause of being whole. As the Bible says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3).
A few of the 174.5 months of my marriage have been difficult because at times I felt like I was building a house with no blueprint. Almost like putting a puzzle together without seeing the picture as a guide. I mean, yes there were married couples in my family and I witnessed mothers and fathers that lived together while growing up, but there were always some parts of the relationships I witnessed that I didn’t want in my marriage. As a matter of fact, there were marriages in my church that I swore my marriage would NEVER look like! I used to envy others that had the television scripted marriage. I wanted for my marriage to be fixed in 47 minutes! To my amazement, that’s not what marriage is and furthermore, that’s not what MY marriage is. While I wanted my marriage to look like others that I saw, God let me know that I was merely window shopping. I was admiring all the work that was being put into other’s display, while at times neglecting mine, or half-hearted working on my own. I was in awe of the finished product without ever knowing what it took to get to what I could see.
So, as I walk into the 15th year of my marriage I am grateful that God loves me enough to allow me to have a man that loves him, and loves our children and will do everything within his ability for our family. Of course, that doesn’t get him an entrance into sainthood, but it does get him my continued support, honor, commitment, and a continual “I Do”.
My continued “I Do” is the way that I plant seeds in my marriage. “I Do” is collaborating with my husband to continue building a legacy for our family. It’s when I stop looking at other marriages and putting pressure on my husband to make our marriage look like theirs. Planting seeds is not always a glorious task, but it requires getting dirty from time to time. For example, when difficulty in communication comes and I push past the uncomfortable moments to reach the goals that we set in our relationship. Planting seeds is work! Whether that’s being more patient, loving, willing to sacrifice, enduring, creative, loyal, resilient or humorous.