Somewhere in the Middle

   I was recently asked how I would describe the season I was in and at the time I really didn’t know how to respond. At the time I just felt like I was in the middle of two seasons. I mean, here I am several months out from experiencing God’s favor and blessings in finding a house to make a home in a real estate climate that still is in frenzy. That entire experience felt like a miracle. Prayers to anyone who is still searching for that dream home. I also was able to start a new position with my employer that I never even dreamed of being able to do but somehow became everything I never knew I wanted out of a career path. However, my husband and I had also just taken a huge leap and left a ministry that God used to mature us as leaders in a very huge way to go back to a church that I honestly had told myself there was no way that I would ever go back to attend because I just felt like there would be no reason to go back (that’s another blog for another day).

   So…yeah. I felt like I was in the middle of two seasons. One ending and another beginning…if that even makes sense. I didn’t know if I should feel good about that feeling or bad about that feeling. Not knowing how to feel had me a little worried. Did that make me ungrateful for the prayers I had just witnessed God answering or doubtful because I was beginning to lose hope for the prayers that have not been answered yet. I felt sure that it was time for our little family to leave the ministry we had grown very comfortable being a part of but aware that it was going to take us on a journey that I wasn’t sure how to navigate. I was okay with praying for others who shared prayer requests but afraid to share my own hopeful prayers or even say them aloud.

   Have you ever felt like that? Felt in the middle, almost in a wilderness. Feeling this way went against my inner need to make it seem like everything is perfectly fine even when it isn’t going great. I remember my husband looking at me one day and saying that he was concerned because he hadn’t seen me praying. But what he didn’t know is that most nights I was so unsettled that all I could do was kneel on the side of the bed between 3am and 4am reading devotionals and praying. I was praying for direction. I wanted so much for God to give me a guide to what I should be focusing on next as I transitioned. I was praying for peace in my mind and heart because I became so consumed with wanting specific steps given to me that I wasn’t paying attention to the daily blessings that seemed like ordinary things. Things like being able to work, having income to buy groceries and fill a gas tank in an economy that is unpredictable to anyone other than financial analysts.

   It was during this time that God began to speak to me through His word and through others that there was no amount of step-by-step planning that would be able to help me be as secure as simply trusting that God is in control. Somehow, that was all that I needed to hear and to read. That’s what I keep telling myself, even today. Do I still have unanswered prayer requests? Yes, I do! Did I already know that God is in control before this “middle” season that I find myself in…yes, I did. But sometimes I need a reminder. A whisper from Holy Spirit that I have no need to worry and that all I need to do is trust God because He is in control. So, please… tuck this away in your bible. Write it on a post-it note and tape it to your mirror. Put it in the margin of your journal. GOD IS IN CONTROL!